Before I got my doctor’s degree (PhD), different circumstances forced me to choose sooner rather than later a more independent path. This new path was a very helpful reminder of why I first wanted to be a researcher.
How it all started
I am not quite sure when I got the idea first. I do remember though thinking about what makes you choose the path of independence on the day I met Sara Ahmed.
In 2017, I had the privilege of meeting the feminist scholar at Södra Teatern in Stockholm. Before Sara gave her lecture “Snap! Feminist Moments, Feminist Movements” (listen to it here at the website of the organisers, Tryck), I had the opportunity to join a discussion with Sara and other feminist anti-racist activists. At that time, I represented Interfem and Mana and was there to interview Sara Ahmed.
I already knew some of the reasons that led Sara Ahmed to resign from her academic position. It was an act of protest against academia’s failure to tackle the issue of sexual harassment. I was thinking that there are others who choose to leave academia for similar or other reasons. With that choice, they are leaving behind not only an institution but also the idea of doing research.
But Sara Ahmed was different.
I had my own struggles causing me to ask questions about independence. But I did have my doubts, as well. I was writing my doctoral thesis at that time and was thinking that independent scholar is not an available option for everyone. We may lack the qualifications, or we have not made a name for ourselves. So, I asked the question: “Who can become independent?” I still remember her replying that, for her, it was never a matter of choice.
When and why I was becoming independent
In the second half of 2019, I found myself writing my articles/thesis, but I had no university employment and my affiliation to the academy was temporary. The day I got this reality check was the same day I officially started writing as an “independent scholar”. I recalled the words of Sara Ahmed about not having a choice, though my situation was different from hers (see the image below).
Yet, like Ahmed, I was not willing to give up on research. I also wanted to find ways to put my creativity, curiosity, and interests to better use. I wanted to learn more, anew, and I yearned for career opportunities.
There have to be other ways.
The independence is still an experiment and there is much to learn, explore and there are also a few challenges to overcome but I am excited to see how far it will go.